The Stuttering Stallion: Eye of the Storm
by Aquatic-Idealist
Summary: After peace came to the land for a few years, the hero of Runan found himself not at rest. For now, he had to face an even greater campaign than that which he had faced before: The battle of Fatherhood. TWOSHOT. Rated for language and sexual content.
1. Eye of the Storm

Warning: This is probably my first 'M' rated fic, because there's sexual activity, use of alcohol, and some language.

The Stuttering Stallion: Eye of the Storm

Author's note: Looking back, it becomes clear to me that I left out a crucial part of Deng Ai's life: his wedding and the relatively small period in which Wei, Shu, and Wu had peace. 15 years is a short time in a hundred year war, but it shouldn't be ignored. Also, I feel as though I created Chen Xin as a character, but only gave her time to shine in Blazing a Trail, where she's already in her mid thirties at least. As Deng Ai's wife, she definitely deserves more screen time. Shi Zuan, Yang Xin, and Sima Wang are also given not enough respect as it is, in my opinion, even though I made Sima Wang (Zichu) Deng Ai's best friend. So, here, I will give all these characters some time to show themselves.

This fic is basically a prequel to Blazing a Trail, and a side story to The Stuttering Stallion. Since it's not based on war, but more on family relations and friendship, I guess you could consider it the filler episode between Chapters 14 and 16, which is right before the branching point where The Stuttering Stallion either enters the Blazing a Trail timeline or sticks to the "historical" one.

Chapter 15 happens during this time, and that was basically a filler for the main story, but most of these events will happen after Chapter 15.

So, with all that said, let's begin:

------

I slowly walked away from the ceremony grounds.

After all, it would be intrusive to stick around. Those two needed their privacy, didn't they?

"Hey, skinny stick!" A deep voice yelled, and suddenly I felt a massive weight on my neck.

I glanced to the side, and Shi Zuan was smiling at me. His massive bicep was wrapped around my neck, and I yelped as he slammed my head into his own.

"What. Is it?" I gasped.

"I'm gonna get a drink tonight! We should celebrate since Shizai's finally gettin' some!" Shi Zuan gave me a big smile while Yang Xin shook his head as he approached us.

"You know, man, you don't have to if you don't want to. I know you're more of the modest type." Yang Xin muttered at me.

I just smiled, and laughed. "Well, I don't see the harm in going a bit loose for once. You're right, our best friend just got married, and since he's spending time alone with Xin, we ought to celebrate!"

"That's the spirit!" Shi Zuan slammed his fist into his palm. "Let's go find ourselves some booze. Wait. I know the perfect place!"

Yang Xin turned to me, with a surprised look on his face. "Are you sure you're into this? You can still back out, you know."

"Don't worry about me." I chuckled. "I'll be fine."

--------

I pressed myself against his chest, and smiled.

We were finally married after all these years, and now that Wei had come to a peace agreement with the other two states, we could finally spend some quality time together.

But I sighed. Fifteen years might pass so quickly. Our oldest would be at most fifteen himself when Shizai would have to go on another campaign. (1.) Damn it. It's in times like these when I realize my mom feels, I guess. At least father's still alive...

But, I couldn't help it. I glanced up at him and my ill feelings just melted away. I blushed slightly. Didn't I use to be proud that I was independent, that no guy could chase after me and live to tell the tale? Why was I so giddy around Shizai? A part of me started to snarl, remembering those guys who used to laugh whenever they saw me. They called me the Spider Queen of Changan, the girl who would definitely eat her mate if she were to ever get lucky enough to find one.

But Heaven was kind to me, and I got to meet Shizai. I got to love a man who really deserved it, for Shizai, like father, was not some disgusting pervert who thought of me as an object. No, Shizai wasn't like those other boys. I married the best guy I could find, even if, thanks to him, I knew some other good men as well. If you ask me, I found the best catch, no matter how awkward he is.

----------

_A sword came flying through the window, startling both Xin and I awake._

_I grabbed my wife and pushed her to the ground, trying to keep her from getting hit._

_Throwing my robe back on, I grabbed my old sword from under my bed._

_"Xin, stay here. I'll take care of them."_

_"Shizai, you idiot! Now's not the time for stupidity. I'm going with you."_

_"No. It's too dangerous. If you were to get hit by an arrow now, you'd."_

_"I'll be fine!" She yelled._

_Then our house shook as I heard a boom._

_"They're using battering rams! What kind of bastards are out there?!" Xin hissed, and I could sense the fear in her voice._

_It's funny, normally she's the confident and brave one while I'm careful and hesitant._

_"Xin, stay in here." I ordered.._

_She looked surprised, but immediately closed her mouth and nodded._

_Normally, I'd never order my wife to do anything, but this was a different situation. If we were to act normal in times like this, then she'd get killed and I. I wouldn't be able to survive without her. I had to keep her safe, even if I'd act no better than those lousy excuses for men._

_I slipped out the door and immediately closed it behind me. I heard her draw her own blade, and I let out a sigh of relief. If any idiot thought of invading our bedroom, well, he wouldn't be breathing any longer._

_Flying down the stairs, I saw our front door burst open._

_A thousand soldiers came pouring into the room, and I leapt at them._

_Those bastards! If they thought they could invade the home of one of Wei's greatest Generals, well, then they were here to die._

_As I slashed back and forth, several groups of them slipped past me and moved towards my bedroom._

_"Xin!" I thought to myself, but the roars of my enemies made it difficult to call out to her._

_I heard a scream, and another, but suddenly I heard a more high pitched one._

_"Xin!" I thought to myself._

_I heard my wife scream as they did unspeakable things to her._

_I grit my teeth in rage as I plunged my blade into the next helmet._

_A thousand spears came flying at me from every which way._

_And I. I..._

I shot up from under the covers, and my eyes warily scanned my surroundings.

Here I was, at home, on my beloved mat of straw.

To my left, I heard my wife stir.

I shook my head. What kind of dream was that? Why would I have such a dream on my wedding night, of all times?

I felt myself blush. The woman I married, the woman with whom I had just shared such a special moment would never be defeated so easily. If anything, she'd be the one who could easily slip through the enemy and take down its leader, like she had nearly done to General Ma Dai.

"Shizai?" I heard Xin mutter sleepily as she rose to face me.

"Go back to sleep, Xin." I said to her, turning to her with a light smile.

"Is something wrong?" She tilted her head to the side. "You should tell me if something's bothering you..." She gave me a light, nervous smile as well.

I kept my smile, though I knew that I might not be able to hold it for long. "It's nothing, really. I just can't stay asleep, I guess... Must be the chill of the night..." I spoke reassuringly.

Her eyes narrowed. I sensed danger, like a pot about to boil. Her rage, like the scathing foam that tries to escape the pot, may very well start showing itself. Needless to say, my wife could see right through me, and she was not amused.

"Shizai, stop lying. I feel fine, and we've made this house as cozy as possible. Something's bothering you, and if you don't bring it out of your chest you'll be even more stressed than you already are. Tell me what's wrong." She ordered as her eyes narrowed even further into slits.

I gulped. There was no point trying to hide it from her any longer.

"Xin, I... I, er, had a nightmare..."

She raised an eyebrow. Oh, boy, here she was in "detective" mode. My tongue had to be extra sharp, otherwise she'd either attack me or call me an idiot.

"That our home was attacked, and that enemy troops entered and they... They hurt you... I couldn't bare having that happen to you, so I immediately woke up... I... I couldn't imagine myself letting you get hurt..." I shivered and let my voice crack. It was horrible when I thought about it, but exaggerating how I felt about the matter would definitely save me from her wrath.

"Shizai..." Her voice softened. She shifted closer and pressed herself against me again, slowly rubbing my back with her soft hand. "It's ok... The treaty would never let such things happen, and you know as well as I do that no idiots could possibly break into our grounds without anyone noticing them."

"Xin..." I couldn't help but blush. She wouldn't give anyone else that warm face, even to our close friends. I still found myself deeply in love with the side that she shows only to me.

"Besides." She laughed and punched me in the back. "You and I wouldn't go down that easily. If anything I'd die before I'd let any bastard do such things to me... I'm yours, and you're mine, and that's final."

"Xin..." I couldn't help but smile back at her.

She grabbed the side of my head. "You idiot... Come here..."

And she forcefully kissed me, just like our first one.

------

I really didn't expect to see Shizai again the morning after his wedding. After all, he had finally married Chen Xin, the girl of his dreams. Quite frankly, I was a bit jealous, but as his best friend, did I have a right to be? He could finally share countless happy moments with the girl he loved, and I was happy for him because of that.

With that in mind, I thought he'd want to spend some alone time with her. But, seeing as how he showed up at my doorstep at 10 in the morning, I guess he found it acceptable to spend some time with his 'buds. (2.)

"Shizai?" My jaw nearly hit the floor when I opened the door.

"Zichu." Deng Ai grinned.

"Erm, it's great to see you, and all that... However, shouldn't you be with Xin?"

And with that Deng Shizai merely crossed his arms. "Do you think I'm the sort of man who would abandon my best friend even when married?"

"Well, thanks, but wouldn't Xin feel bad about this?"

"Bad about what?" The girl I had just mentioned peered out from behind Shizai. Great Heaven, I didn't think that she could hide so skillfully behind her husband.

"Wait... You two decide to spend your honeymoon with me? Is there something I should know?" I stroked my chin with a smirk.

Xin's eyes narrowed, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that she wasn't truly angry. Shizai just gave a hearty laugh.

"I'm sorry, Zichu, but I'm taken, and we're not so keen on a threesome."

I blinked. Yes, I had hoped for that answer, but to have him state it so obviously... It didn't seem like him.

Xin noticed this too, and glanced at him strangely.

Even though Xin showed her deadly skepticism, Shizai kept his grin.

I stroked my chin. There could only be one explanation for this:

He finally got laid.

But I wasn't stupid enough to blurt that out, otherwise Xin would likely kill me for being a "pervert." After all, it wouldn't be her to take that as a compliment.

Xin took one look at me, and one look back at Shizai, and simply rolled her eyes. "I don't want to know."

Shizai just kept his goofy grin, while I stepped aside. "Come in, you two, before my neighbors see you."

Xin sighed. I guess she realized that she had no good retort for that.

And Shizai just kept his stupid grin. Geez... How much more did he have to torment a single guy like me, anyway?!

----------

We found ourselves wandering the market place together, just the three of us. Here, in Changan, the Marketplace was especially huge. It was funny how I'd lived most of my life in Henei, so to find things here so spectacular in Changan was rather new to me. But, come to think of it, Changan was the Capital of the Empire once, so it shouldn't have been that surprising.

Even then, I continued to look around in awe, while Xin just smirked at me.

"Zichu, if you keep that up, people will think you're the son of a relatively well off peasant."

As I spun around to face her, I noticed that my mouth was wide open.

Geez, I looked like an idiot, didn't I?

Xin just smiled. "You've never been to such a large marketplace, huh? Hmn... I guess that's the bad thing about being a native here. I just don't find these kinds of things so amazing..."

Shizai just shrugged his shoulders. "Zichu, you've been to Runan's marketplace plenty of times, right? It's not that much different."

"Well, that's not exactly true..." I found myself blurting out, and Shizai just looked a bit confused.

My eyes darted around for something to save me, and I found it. "Look, you wouldn't find a rug like that in Runan, right?" I pointed to an Arabian looking thing. The material wasn't silk, and though it was some form of cloth it wasn't anything I could really identify.

Xin and Shizai both walked over to the rug I pointed out, and as they felt it, it seemed as though they couldn't identify what that material was either.

"See? This marketplace is special. All these trading routes would never reach Runan." I crossed my arms victoriously.

But Shizai just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "Hmn... I guess..."

And I felt my face droop after seeing his lack of enthusiasm.

--------

Zichu was a good man, I thought. He wasn't necessarily someone who had a lot of interesting hobbies or such, but he was a nice guy. I didn't mind being around him at all, even if Shizai wasn't around. Such a man was the kind of guy who was perfect for a best friend.

At any rate, though, after our marriage things started to settle down, and yet I couldn't spend all the time I wanted with Shizai. He had so many tasks to do as an officer of Wei, and Sima Yi seemed to be able to find a dozen different tasks to throw at him. Even with the help of Zichu, Shi Zuan, and Yang Xin, Shizai just didn't seem to be able to juggle them so well.

Which is why he tended to come home late, and I found myself missing him often...

I blushed once as I thought about it one spring afternoon. Why was I being so clingy now? Didn't I use to be so proud of my independence? I shook my head. Would Shizai recognize the girl he married if I were to tell him about this?

---------

It was stressful, and we three could barely stay sane.

So was it any surprise that Shi Zuan and Yang Xin found solace in alcohol?

Zichu and I, we were more responsible, naturally. After all, no matter how diligent Yang Xin was, he'd always end up drunk by the third consecutive day of repetitive labor.

Honestly, did Sima Yi intend to have us start getting either exhausted or leading an official revolt? I could see that the rest of us officials, the myriad of clerks, and any other scholar working for the court could barely stand their current workload. It was as if Sima Yi decided to take a complete vacation and not do anything... Damn him and his rank of Prime Minister...

But anyway, there came a moment where we just couldn't take our jobs any longer...

Xin and I were about to have our third anniversary, yet somehow she wasn't pregnant yet. (3.)

Now a lot of people like to jump at Xin for this, saying that she clearly was unfit to be a wife, and she was quite upset over all this. She even chased some of the younger men who taunted her with a broom, and, quite frankly, my beloved was more than a match for any three of them, let alone a lone idiot who thought he could taunt her and get away with it.

So, come to think of it, I guess it should have been a no-brainer why she acted like she did...

It was summer, and it was sizzling hot, in more ways than just the weather. Shi Zuan had been snooping around lately, coming to work late and sometimes showing up looking quite ruined. It was clear that he had been drinking, but he couldn't have looked any happier.

Yang Xin was the first to be suspicious of him, though Zichu and I knew that something definitely wasn't normal, if it was right at all.

"Dude, what the hell is up with you?" Yang Xin spoke in the least cordial manner possible.

Shi Zuan just gave him a wide smile.

"Are you ok?" Sima Wang spoke worriedly.

Shi Zuan just turned to him. "I've never been better."

"Eh?" Zichu looked confused.

"You guys sick of this slave chamber yet?" Shi Zuan asked us.

Yang Xin and I shared a glance. To be honest, I also felt suspicious of Shi Zuan, though I decided not to be rude about it like Yang Xin.

"I sure am." Zichu was the first to speak. He seemed a bit more eager than usual today.

Yang Xin glanced at me, and nodded. "So am I."

I smirked. "Make that three people."

And so, we slipped out of our office of sorts and followed Shi Zuan as he maneuvered through the streets of Changan.

I was expecting him to head to a bar, but, instead, he approached a large, reddish building.

"What are you...?" Zichu hissed, as what would be expected from him.

This building was, after all, the most famous brothel in town.

------

I couldn't believe that Shi Zuan would be shameless enough to lead us to that filthy place.

But, somehow, my nether regions didn't seem to mind. It was rather, well, invigorating to be in such an environment.

Beautiful girls greeted us as we came in, and they quickly served us wine for each person.

Shi Zuan was obviously broke, for he quickly began to whisper something to Yang Xin that made the latter's eyebrow twitch.

Shizai looked slightly uncomfortable here too, though he accepted the wine eagerly. I guess he wanted something to help soften his tongue, but at the same time he didn't want to betray Xin in a place where it would be so ridiculously easy to do so.

Shi Zuan continued to beg Yang Xin not so secretly, and when he finally complied our good friend looked like a merry dog, groveling before the other commander.

Both men soon disappeared behind some curtains set up in the lounge, each with a girl in his arms, and I could only imagine what they were about to do.

Shizai, meanwhile, rambled on about how he despised my uncle's administration. Though I did agree with him, I wanted to silence him for safety reasons. Heaven knows that my uncle's ears are almost everywhere, and he'd try to get rid of those who would stand in his way for power.

The serving girls seemed to agree, as they did not want their business destroyed by Sima Zhongda and the Imperial court. Immediately they tried to placate him, but Shizai simply shrugged them off.

"I'm married, you whores!" I heard him roar.

"Oh, dear…" I thought to myself. This would not end well.

He lashed out, pushing the girls away, and as he continued to act rowdy and violent, I rushed forward.

"C'mon, Shizai, let's get out of here." I shook him.

He stared at me with tired eyes. "Zichu… Let's get the fuck out of here."

A few girls started to grab me, too. "Forget about him… You came in, right? Then you should make the most out of your money."

For a moment, I found myself trapped with indecision.

I was a virgin, and at the age of twenty-five this was a disgrace. Most men were already married by the age of seventeen or eighteen, yet here I was, a single virgin who despite his noble status never had a betrothed or any female companion.

Yet, though my manhood demanded that I stay, my mind proved the victor in that sortie.

"Let's get you home, Shizai." I spoke to my best friend, ignoring the girls and, I feared, the only chance for me to lose my virginity.

After all, someday I'd find a girl who was not married to me out of duty but who loved me for the man I was, right?

Right?

Even if that never came true, my duty to Shizai came first. He was my best friend and Heaven knows that hell would freeze over if I ever found someone else who could fit that role.

----------------

Zichu came to the house suddenly, dragging Shizai with him.

I had never seen my husband look so wasted in his life. My heart sank as Zichu brought him to a couch.

"Zichu… What happened?… Why is he…?"

"You'd better take care of him." My husband's best friend dodged my question.

Perhaps it was because I was extremely worried, but I couldn't accept that kind of answer.

"Zichu, tell me what the hell went on!"

Sima Wang shirked at that order, and merely dodged and fled for the door.

"Get back here!"

"We'll reconvene in the morning, Xin! Take care of him!" He called as he fled.

I felt like killing him. So this was how a man would treat his best friend's wife…

But that was for a latter time. Now, I had to care for Shizai.

I heard him murmur incoherently, and I could feel my heart implode with worry.

"Shizai…" I spoke his name. "Shizai…" Again I mumbled it, with tears in my eyes. Why was our marriage like this? What was happening? He came back so late and Zichu, unlike himself, refused to tell me anything.

With a heavy heart, I dragged him to our bedroom.

And closed the door behind me…

---------------

Images swirled restlessly in my mind as I awoke. I saw the flash of a smile on a woman's face… A woman who wasn't my wife.

I felt the softness of silk on my back, and I smelled alcohol.

Wait, I could taste it, too…

I saw another flash, that of a woman's panties, and I remembered a room of red with trays of wine glasses.

No, I couldn't have visited a brothel last night, could I?

As the silk pressed against my back, I remembered seeing a woman… Feeling her… No, I couldn't have…

I betrayed my wedding vows… I betrayed my wife… I was no longer a man…

Slowly, with the weight of a thousand spears against my chest, I rose from my bed.

My eyes, still groggy with sleep and burning with those images, failed to recognize my surroundings.

And, suddenly, the door opened and I could see the silhouette of a woman's body.

This was probably the madam owner of this brothel, or the whore who pleasured me last night… I was a failure as a man for accepting Shi Zuan's invitation, and I was prepared to kill myself after paying this woman.

But then I heard a familiar voice.

"Shizai? So you're finally awake. Breakfast is ready."

My beloved wife smiled at me as she sat down with a tray of dumplings and tea.

I just stared at her, and soon the room around me became clear. This was our bedroom. The silk under my body was the silk of our bedding, our finest bedding that we used on rare occasions (as Xin would testify that it was a demon to clean.)

Then why did I remember a brothel from last night?

I could feel the blood leaving my face.

"Shizai?" Xin stared at me with concern, and moved forward to feel my forehead.

My blood began to return to my face as I blushed.

My wife smiled again, but this time her smile was painted on. I could sense the anger emanating from her veins, and I braced myself to tell her everything I could remember.

"Where were you last night?" She asked me in the sweetest voice possible.

"I was… I'd gone with friends to unwind, and they brought me to a… A…"

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry!" I screamed at her, throwing my tea cup to the ground and groveling before her. "Xin… I'm not the man you married anymore… I… I visited a brothel."

My wife's face turned pale, and I felt like killing myself right then and there.

"But why…" Her voice was less terrified than I thought it would be. "Why didn't I smell perfume or anything on you?"

"Eh?"

"You were dead drunk, but you were fully clothed when Zichu brought you in. If you had done the deed, you wouldn't have looked completely normal…"

"Then why do I remember…?" I cut myself off, feeling ashamed.

Xin took one long look into my eyes, and blushed. "Shizai, I… I couldn't help myself… I needed to make sure…"

"Xin…?"

"I'm surprised that you remember, but last night… Was me…"

I felt a great weight lifted from my chest as I stared into the eyes of my beloved.

"But why would Shi Zuan invite you to a brothel?" She shook her head. "Is he truly a barbarian? I understand that Yang Xin would come along, but to take Zichu and you with them… That's… That's criminal!" She just shook her head and smiled.

"You're not angry?"

"By the looks of it, when Zichu came in I could tell that he was still himself. He would have acted quite differently had he gotten his money's worth. And you're still mine, so there's no reason for me to kill those two, persay."

I nodded, but I began to feel faint, and something began to rise from my stomach.

Xin's eyes widened as she rushed to get me a bucket.

"Idiot…" She sighed as I regurgitated whatever I had in me.

---------

After that fiasco, I bathed myself and purged any of the sickening taint that brothel would have given me. Emerging slowly from the rest room, I found Xin standing before me, her robe hanging loosely from her body.

"Xin?"

"Shizai."

She grabbed me and pinned me to the wall, with her body pressed against mine. Having my back to the wall, with my wife in a forceful position, wasn't exactly comfortable, but I knew that I deserved much worse.

"Listen…" She stared into my eyes with a fearsome look, though I wouldn't call it a glare. I knew better.

"You've spent so much time at work, and when you come back you look exhausted and powerless. I just stand there, somehow being totally powerless, unable to help you at all. I've been hearing a lot in town lately… People say that a man whose wife cannot stand by his side is a man who will go astray… They tell me that many men have affairs because they can no longer handle the stress of life, and their wives can't give them support. I hate myself for being unable to help you, and I know how ridiculous that might sound to you.

"You must be thinking: 'Xin? The girl who prided herself in crushing the manhood of anyone who would be stupid enough to try to flirt with her? The girl who I first saw wearing some dirty robe as she entered her fabulous looking house? The girl whose fiery personality I fell in love with? How could she possibly break down and cry over not being able to be lady-like and wifely?

"I'll be blunt like always: I don't give a damn when others say that I'm not a good wife for you. Who cares about their opinion? But what worries me is that I'm not supporting you in all this… You come back, exhausted from work, and I never see you smile anymore when I'm beside you. I never see you smile…"

My wife slowly backed away, and I could see her breaking down in tears.

"Xin…" I moved forward and grabbed her, holding on tightly.

"Shizai… I love you, and I want to be by your side until I die, but why can't I make you smile again? Why do you have to look half-dead every time I see you?"

"Xin… Spending this moment with you, this is what warms my heart…" I looked into her eyes, and gave her a big smile. Holding her for another moment, I moved in to kiss her once again.

Tears fell from her eyes, and she quickly closed them… Pulling herself deeper into the kiss. My love is truly like a rose. Her thorns are sharp enough to tear through steel, yet she is still as sweet as ever.

Slowly I guided her to our bed, and I broke the kiss. She stared passionately at me, and I whispered to her.

"I need you…"

She blushed, her cheeks covered in red, and she muttered my name frantically. "Shizai… I…"

"Shhh…" I pressed my finger against her lips, and hungrily licked her neck.

-----------

She remained tight against me the entire time, letting out little gasps and moans with every thrust.

Inside her, I felt truly at peace. Some would have said that I claimed a Tigress, that her roars would be mere purrs against my touch, but I have to disagree.

She's my wife, the woman I love, not some animal. The daughter of Chen Tai may have the temper and strength of a raging tiger, but she has the heart and soul of a woman… And the body of a goddess.

The release felt so wonderful, so heavenly because it was her… That moment, and future ones, with her would always be far greater than any shattering of our vows. She will always be mine, and I will always be hers. No one can change that.

-----------

We spent the night together, as husband and wife, and with that night our troubles seemed to slip away.

The next morning I awoke to find Xin smiling at me. I glanced at the window and found the sun to be quite high in the sky.

"I'm late for my post, oh well." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at her.

Sima Yi could try to remove me from my post, but I doubt he'd find someone else who was willing to undergo that kind of slave labor. 'Sides, even if he did fire me I'd likely get hired by some firm out there. The rank of Commander of the Western Legion was a rank that few people have ever earned, and that would work wonders on any resume.

Xin rose and moved towards the kitchen, and I sighed.

Not long ago, she'd have a few maids to care for her, even if she used to insist on doing some of the work on her own when she did bother to stay at home. Now, she was the one who did a lot of the housework, as I had plenty of work to do in Wei's government offices… But, still, she went from being the daughter of a General and quite rich to the wife of a commander who, though benefiting from a stable job, found himself dirt poor in comparison.

But even if her family's richer than me, Xin never complains… Why is that? I… I failed Chen Tai… I swore to him that I'd make her happy for the rest of her days, and yet I can't provide for her what he could… But why do both Xuanbo and Xin support me as her husband?

Again, my heart felt heavy as I thought of our circumstances, yet I also had to give thanks. I had to thank heaven for giving me Xin… I know that few men could ever find a loving wife like her…

I heard a crash, and I rushed over to the kitchen…

---------

My beloved had collapsed on the floor, with a bowl smashed near her.

I quickly picked her up, and carried her to a couch.

"Xin, what's wrong?" I spoke, knowing full well what her answer would be.

She just smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine, Shizai..."

I blinked. She was far more gentle than usual... And she looked rather pale. "Xin!" I covered her forehead with my palm. Though there was no fever, I didn't want to take any chances. "I'm going to get you a doctor..."

And with that, as I rushed out of the room, I could swear I could hear a faint murmur behind me.

"Idiot..."

----------

As the physician examined her, I could just look on in fear.

After exchanging a few questions with Xin, questions which I didn't hear because I was too busy staring at her and fearing the worst, he gave me a strange look.

"Commander Deng."

"Y-Yes, doctor?" I stammered.

The physician smiled. "I can find nothing wrong with your wife's health. Her humors are in good order and the flow of energy is not obstructed by any ill means."

"Eh? But..."

"The reasons for her being pale and delirious are simple: she is pregnant."

"Eh?!" Xin gasped, her face turning bright red.

I started to dance about the room, having finally achieved that which I had always dreamed of.

I was a father...

I was a father...

I was finally a father!

By Heaven, could I have gotten any better news?

-------

1. Shizai is Deng Ai's style name. 'Xin' is the short form of Chen Xin when it's used individually. I'm just posting this for newcomers. :P

2. I'm well aware that most people would be dead drunk and reeling from a hangover on the morning after their best friend's wedding, but do you expect someone like Sima Wang to ever get that drunk? I didn't, and that's what I had in mind for this fic. :P

3. I know that I made Deng Zhong become an officer rather fast, where in this fic he would have been only twelve when Shizai was remobilized to counter Shu's invasions, but this helps add some drama for that couple, no?

This fic was written to help breathe some life into these characters. This is Part One of two chapters, and I hope you've enjoyed it so far.

Thanks for reading, peeps!


	2. Riding the Waves

Part 2: Riding the Wave

It's funny how the five of us have stuck together for this long.

Typically, people look at us and wonder what the hell's wrong with our heads. I'm something of a sarcastic yet mostly serious guy who loves alcohol like nothing else and who'd prefer beating up some training dummy than reading a book. Shi Zuan's all of the above but without the sarcasm, since he's the most blunt out of all four of us. His muscles also easily makes him the strongest of us, but those who are stupid enough to think that he's dumb deserve to get crushed by a punch. The two of us are so similar that it's not even funny. Other than the fact that I'm wordier and more serious than he is, we're both pretty much two sides of the same coin. And if you say that sounded wrong I'll kick your ass!

Zichu is a nerd. You really can't argue with that. Now he's the one who's earned the title of 'Strategist,' and he's book smart and all that, but ask him to pitch a tent and you'd be luckier if a monkey did it for you. No wonder why Shizai never deploys Zichu alone, because he knows that though Zichu can plan a field strategy and even guide his soldiers in reacting to tactics, Zichu can't engage the enemy in battle or even prepare a campsite. The first would get him killed and the second, well, would take him a month. But hey, if Zichu wasn't around I'm sure we all would have died from alcohol poisoning a long time ago, because Heaven knows that in most cases Shizai would just join us or get dragged away by Xin.

Shizai, well, he's sort of in the middle. He still stutters every now and then, but he stays pretty cool most of the time. He's smart enough to have appreciated Zichu before the rest of us could, and he's strong enough to fight off a squad or two of enemy troops on his own without needing help. I mean, Shi Zuan's trained himself to smash two whole platoons just with his fists, and I could easily hold off a platoon on my own, but to have Shizai be able to pull more than just his weight in combat is pretty reassuring.

Xin's the strangest one. Girls are hardly seen in combat nowadays and there's a very good reason why: A man who attacks a girl is not a man, simple as that. Now if it were self-defense, he has somewhat of an alibi but even then that can be questioned. That, and girls are, on average, really crappy fighters.

Xin, though, doesn't seem to care that girls shouldn't fight. She just moves right in. Four trained soldiers, a small squad, would have trouble with her, though she wouldn't take them all out so easily like Shizai would. Even so, she's better than many of our own trained soldiers, and many of them feel like pansies when they watch her fight. Can you really blame them?

But no matter what flaws we five have, we've always stuck together. Shi Zuan's been my best friend since infancy, practically, and Shizai and Zichu are best friends for reasons that I don't know, so it's no surprise that our two pairs would always hang out… But to have a pair of a nerd and a former nerd with two, fine, I'll say it, jocks sticking to each other like glue is a weird sight, no? Add Xin, a girl who's madly in love with Shizai, to the mix and we have a strange group of five. You should see the looks on some of those older lady's faces when they see Xin laughing with four guys walking around her. Ha ha, priceless, I tell you! Priceless!

But it is strange when I think about it. Xin doesn't seem to mind any of us, though she does like poking fun at Shi Zuan every now and then.

Like that one time:

---------

It was so damn embarrassing.

Yang Xin and Zichu were there, watching the game of Weiqi that Xin and I were playing. (1.)

I thought I had this game. By placing a piece there, I had cornered Xin's patch of stones on the bottom of the board, and with one more stone I'd take 'em all.

But, suddenly, she places a stone in a place and, boom, I lose seven stones.

For about a minute and a half I just stared at the board. How could this be happening? This was a game for Generals, I thought, so why was Xin beating me senseless?

Xin just chuckled at me. I must have looked like a dumbass.

"Shi Zuan, will you resign? For you to win at this point, well, that would be a miracle." Her face turned more serious, now, and I knew why. To laugh at your opponent was really disrespectful, especially by this game's terms, and she obviously knew that. We were friends, after all.

I stared at the board, then back at her. "Never! I'm gonna make you regret taking those stones."

Xin cocked her head to the side. "Let's see how you'll do it, then."

-------------

About ten minutes later, my last stone was gone.

And I mean that literally.

How was that even possible? I wondered as I stared at a board filled with only white stones. She had even given me a two stone handicap, for Heaven's sake!

"Shi Zuan, this isn't Xiangqi." Xin smirked at me as she cleared the board. "Your pieces can't coordinate a good defense if they were clumped together. It only wastes your turns and makes them sitting ducks. You should know that." (2.)

I hissed and crushed a stone between my fingers, and ground my teeth together. To beat me in a General's game! Xin was lucky that she was Xin and not some other random bystander, or I might have actually hurt her...

But even though I was pissed, I helped myself let off some steam by crushing that stone into powder.

Xin slowly backed away from the board, with a worried look on her face. I knew she was scared of me at that moment, but for some reason I could tell that wasn't going to just bolt away. Did she still trust me, for some odd reason, even when I was pissed?

Zichu and Yang Xin also looked at me worriedly. It seemed as though they were ready to act the moment I would move to hurt Xin. Yang Xin looked just about ready to tackle me on the spot, while Zichu was in a sprinting position, obviously intending to grab Xin and pull her out of the way while Yang Xin dealt with me.

I sighed. I guess I really was a different man once I got pissed.

"Sorry, Xin... I just didn't expect to be beaten so soundly... Ha ha, you know how I am." I smiled at her, rubbing the back of my head.

Xin looked slightly relieved, though she was still tense, and I could see the traces of fear in her eyes.

Both Zichu and Yang Xin still kept on their guard.

I bowed my head. I went a bit too far, didn't I?

Xin had stopped backing away from me for a while now, and instead she slowly moved forward to clear the board. "Shi Zuan…" She muttered. I could sense both fear and hope in her voice.

"Sorry, Xin…"

She nodded. "Get yourself some water and rest. You've obviously been too stressed these last few days. Damn, not only does Sima Yi choose to torture Shizai, he also gives the rest of you hell, doesn't he? If he wasn't related to Zichu I'd kill him."

Sima Wang gulped. So Xin held herself back from destroying his uncle's reign because Zichu himself was a Sima, and not because she'd basically get killed herself?

Ha ha… That sounded just like the Xin he knew.

----------

Pregnancy didn't slow Xin, not one bit.

And neither did motherhood.

But I should have anticipated that.

After all, I should be the person who knows her the best. I'm the man who married her.

Our first child was born in the spring, and for Xin such a season was perfect. Spring was a time where new life could shoot out from the cold, cruel frost of winter and show itself to the world. Our son was a fine example of that 'new life.'

We named him Deng Zhong, Zhong because his birth was like a pillar that proved our love, and our family would be able to gather around him in the future. I had high hopes for my son, as did Xuanbo himself. (3.)

It was surprising how quickly our second child, Qiu, was born after Zhong... Damn, Xin was so sexy after Zhong's birth... Though Xin did feel guilty having Li Hua care for Zhong, Chen Tai's beloved didn't seem to mind that much. Zhong was her first grandchild after all, and every grandparent is crazy about their grandchild, no?

Soon after we had Zhong, Xin was pregnant again. Zichu, Shi Zuan, and Yang Xin could only glare at me every time I saw them either at work or as we hung out like men. The latter two would often drown themselves in beer while Zichu would do his best to ignore me, like hide behind a particularly large scroll or something. In the end, though, they congratulated me as heartwarmingly as they did when Xin had Zhong. I guess that even jealousy can do nothing to our friendship.

I found myself sitting down with my boy, watching him slowly grow and develop. As a baby he hardly cried, and after ten years I began to see exactly why.

Whenever he played sports, no matter how many times he got tackled or hit by various objects or people, he'd keep on charging to victory. Deng Zhong was bound to be a warrior, and at the age of twelve he began training at the local central barracks of Changan. Both Xin and I refused to let our son have special treatment simply because he was the grandson of a Veteran General and the son of the Commander of the Western Legion. He was simply Deng Zhong, a boy who wanted to train to become a soldier, and though Xin worried for our firstborn, she knew that Zhong would one day prove himself on the battlefield. That was where his talents lay, after all.

But Qiu was quite different. Zichu noticed this the moment he first saw that infant, but it took Xin and I a bit longer. When we had him go through his first decision, Qiu, unlike Zhong, picked up the pen. Zhong had moved for the ball. Qiu, at the age of six, began to snoop around my library, trying to read whatever scroll he could lay his hands on. My second son, unlike his elder brother, was a scholar in the making, just like his godfather. I found it prudent to let Zichu be Qiu's godfather, so that my best friend could guide my son to a far more intellectual future than the paths his father and brother chose. (4.)

My boys were slowly growing, and though they were hyper, sometimes disobedient, and always a bit too eager for my tastes, I had high hopes for them. It was such an honor to have this right to care for both of these kids. Zhong might have been more violent and rowdy, and Qiu might have been a lot less enthusiastic or caring, but as their father I still was able to connect with my sons. In the end, I dare say that they would end up thanking me for it...

Deng Chun, my third child and only daughter, was far closer to her mother than me. After all, I don't think that Confucian ethics would ever allow a father to get too close to his daughter, as that would definitely be scandalous, but I tried to watch over her, and I tried to inspire my sons to do the same. Even if she wouldn't carry the Deng name in the end, she was still our flesh and blood and was as much a member of the family as any of us... If we ever let ourselves forget that, if we ever let the curse enter our clan, then we would be spitting on Xin's vision and memory... If that ever happened, we would have betrayed everything our family stood for.

Through rigorous training, Xin made certain that her only daughter would be just like her: ever questioning authority, brave, collected, and independent. Chun carried through, being just as strong as her mother, and for that I have to thank Xin much more than usual. Deng Chun would not be one who would be crushed as the tyranny of our social hierarchy hurled itself at her, no, on the contrary she would be a force to be reckoned with.

Many young men in Changan joked that Chun was the new Spider Queen of Changan, no doubt having gotten that notion from their fathers, and that earned them many a broken nose thanks to Zhong... But even though Xin once hated that nickname, and still did, to her it was a symbol of how she was able to make her daughter strong enough to face her challenges head on and prevail. The spirit of Chen Xin would not die, she reckoned, for now her daughter carried that idea, and as long as that idea survived there still was hope for her national sisters!

----------

Though I sometimes scared them with my rough nature, Shizai and Xin still trusted me. A lot of people, barkeepers included, knew well how vicious I could be. Not that I'm proud of it, but it happens every now and then. Even so, both of 'em treated me like a good friend, and for that I think they're some of my closest friends too. Funny thing is, they even asked me to teach Deng Zhong the Way of the Warrior, and not Yang Xin. If you ask me, even if Yang Xin ain't as strong as I am, he'd be a much better teacher.

There were times when Shizai would watch our lessons from a distance, and I gotta say that I was very embarrassed. One of my closest friends thought I could be a teacher? Ha ha ha...

There were times when I was afraid I might hurt Zhong... Shizai told me to go all out, to help teach his son how painful it would be to fight so that he'd keep his humanity. That's a great goal and all, but it's not worth having Zhong get hurt by me...

I know how strong I am, and sometimes that strength can really scare people... Both Zichu and Yang Xin have sometimes prepared themselves to tackle me so that I won't hurt other people. There were times when Xin would just stare at me, with her eyes wide open, and I could see how scared she was... I'd always feel like a piece of shit for it, but now Shizai was telling me not to hold back...

But I had to hold back... I just couldn't see Zhong with a broken jaw or even arm, knowing that I was the person who did that to him... I... I just couldn't live with myself then...

But Shizai trusted me... Yang Xin trusted me... Zichu trusted me... And even Xin, who would be scared of me, also trusted me... Even if she and Zichu would stare at me with fear, they both knew that I'd do anything for them in a heartbeat, and I knew that they'd do exactly the same.

Because of that, Xin only objected at Shizai's request for me to give it my all when teaching Zhong, but otherwise she didn't seem to want to reject my appointment as Zhong's teacher at all... Even though there were times she was afraid of me, she still trusted me with her son. I don't know if any other person would trust someone like that if they were in her shoes...

--------

Qiu progressed extremely well in his lessons.

Though, I admit, Xin was also a major part of them too. As Qiu's mother, it was obvious that Xin wanted what was best for her son. When I'd try to hold back a particular lesson, thinking that it could be taught another day in order to not exhaust Qiu, Xin would push me aside and shove it at Qiu anyway... The poor boy sometimes got confused, and though both Xin and I sometimes felt a little guilty for that, Xin would just growl lightly and try to explain it to him...

So, in a way, Qiu had two teachers while Zhong had only one. Yang Xin sometimes helped out Shi Zuan in teaching Zhong, but Shizai seemed to think that Yang Xin could help cover for us at headquarters. As long as one of us was working for my uncle nonstop, he couldn't try to take us all out, because Yang Xin would figure out what he had planning.

But after a while, when Qiu would go rest and play, Xin would sit back and thank me for helping Qiu. Even if she would sometimes ask me harshly why I decided to hold back lessons, I could tell that she was still very happy that I decided to help Qiu...

But please don't get any weird impressions. Xin's the wife of my best friend. She's like a sister to me... For me to even think of kissing her makes me want to vomit. (5.)

----------

Xin eyed her calendar worriedly. Time was flying past them, and soon the Wei army would have to mobilize to counter Shu and Wu. (6.)

And at that moment, she'd lose both her husband and her father. Just because this damn nation couldn't come to a longterm agreement with what was left of the Han Dynasty and the people of Jiangdong, her husband and her father had to risk their lives killing people who weren't much different than them. We were all Chinese, and we were all part of one nation once, but now Wei, Shu, and Wu were destined to fight… It was as if heaven enjoyed mocking them all.

But she shook her head. Why was she letting that consume her thoughts lately?

And besides… Xin's eyebrow twitched as she turned to her calendar again.

It had been a while since her parents saw their grandchildren. As a rite-abiding daughter, it was her duty to take them there… And drag Shizai along while she was at it.

------------

Xuanbo and Shizai were like a father and a son. When Sima Yi first observed the boy, he realized that the best guide he could find for his new protege was Chen Tai. The older man had insights rarely found among Wei officers, and Zhongda knew that Shizai could grow under Xuanbo's wing. Though one can damn Sima Yi all they'd like, Shizai still owed Zhongda for recommending Xuanbo to him.

But recently, Shizai felt as though he had failed Xuanbo… He'd sworn to make Xin's life better, but he didn't… Though she was happy, that definitely was not enough.

He was a man, for heaven's sake! It was his job to care for his family… He had failed in that task, so did he have a right to look Xuanbo in the eye?

-----------

I could only smile when I saw my three grandchildren...

I wasn't even seventy yet, but I found myself with three of them. My dear firstborn, Xin, was married to the man she loved... A man who would stand by her 'till the end of his days. Deng Shizai was a man who I felt proud calling my student and son in law. I knew that he'd keep her happy, and that he'd always be there for her. There was no question in my mind that Shizai was the best match for Xin, regardless of status or wealth. Li Hua and I were lucky that we fell in love after our arranged marriage, but Xin had the great fortune of loving her spouse before their marriage.

Many years of war had made me see countless dead children, and though my reactions to seeing those horrors had lessened substantially, I still could not remove some of those images from my mind... But seeing my grandchildren gave me hope once again. Those children would move forth and make a better future. I had faith in all three of them. (7.)

-----------

Xuanbo and I held each other close as we watched our grandchildren play.

To be honest, I found myself in shock when I learned that Xin brought our first granddaughter into the world. I felt this way because I feared that she would have to suffer the same curse that I, and to a lesser degree Xin, faced. Yet Xin taught her daughter how to be strong, how to stand tall in spite of society's circumstances, and for that I'm very happy. My daughter's rare strength would not fade with time, no, it was being passed on.

Even if war would force the man I loved and the man my daughter loved to move out once more, I knew that our descendants, my grandchildren and her children, would move forward to make a new, better age for all... Though I knew that pain would come, I also knew that victory would come later as well.

But words like that were a bit too far-seeing, no?

As I watched my daughter and son in law, I couldn't help but smile. Xin loved Shizai as strongly, if not more so, than I loved her father. Perhaps it's because she had chose Shizai originally, unlike me, but no matter what you call it we were both blessed. I've heard of too many people who were trapped in a marriage where even sex wasn't anything to be thrilled about. But, in a way, I suppose my story is simply a better ending to that cycle. I fell in love with Xuanbo, and vice versa, but it was our parents who chose our match. Shizai and Xin simply found each other and entered a loophole of that system.

Even so, there were a few things I needed to tell her...

---------

God, I sound like an old man... I might be glad to have that many grandkids, but do I have to obsess over them?

At any rate, when Shizai came in he looked rather disturbed. That troubled me... He's like a son to me. Why is it that he seemed so, well, out of character?

As I thought this way, I noted that my beloved felt similarly about Xin. With understanding glances, we decided that we'd each take on our respective protege, if you will...

--------

"Boy, what's troubling you?"

"Xuanbo, I... I… Er..."

"Ha ha, we finally get to see each other after so many seasons and all you can do is stammer again? And here I'd thought you'd gotten over your stuttering."

"I... Um..."

"Lighten up, kid. What's wrong?"

Shizai did not wish to open his mouth. How should he answer that question? "I failed you?" "I lied to both you and Xin?" "I'm a loser who can't keep his promises?"

Then again, with Xuanbo being so friendly, did it really matter how Xin ended up financially if she was happy with him?

And so he sighed.

"Xuanbo, there's something I need to tell you…"

------------

My best friend was passed out in front of me, but that's wasn't a surprising sight, no sir. It was a miracle that Shi Zuan's liver was still intact, for he drank beer as often as a fish drinks water.

He was going to stay exactly where he was, and I still hadn't finished by beer, so I decided to look around and see who happened to stop by here in my favorite bar. As I looked around, I saw quite a few chums passed out on tables and chairs.

But then, my view came across one table, and I froze for a sec.

Shizai and Xuanbo were there, talking to each other over jugs of wine.

I turned to Shi Zuan, and he just snored.

I blinked. Should I go over to them? Could I leave this dumbass by himself?

With a squint, I saw that they seemed to be talking seriously.

With a chuckle, I shook my head.

Maybe I should just leave them alone…

------

The General just laughed.

"What?" Shizai blinked.

'Remember when I reminded you that Xin had been of age and that she wouldn't care about whatever status you held because she loved you? Well, I take one look at my daughter and I know that she is happy. That's all I really need to know. If she really has anything bothering her, well, Li Hua will drill you on that. As long as Xin is happy, then I have nothing ill to say to you."

Shizai was speechless. "But you gave her things that I can't afford right now… My salary is pathetic compared to yours… It's probably tenure or a changed budget or something but Sima Yi just isn't paying me like he pays you."

Chen Tai smiled. "But you've given her something that I could never give her."

"And what would that be?"

"Spending her life with the one she loves… For me to even think of stepping into your shoes would break the bond I have with her as a daughter, and besides…" He laughed and gave Shizai a mischievous look. "I already have Li Hua, who is already a headache at times."

Shizai just stared at his 'father' in disbelief.

"Lighten up." The older man laughed and slapped Shizai's shoulder. "What you provide for my daughter is far more important than some fancy clothes, jewelry, or things around the house. She loves you, and you've always been there for her. I should hope that you know what kind of girl Xin is. She is not one to be swayed by material things so easily, if at all."

Shizai just blushed slightly at the thought of his wife.

"Of course, there is her temper, but seeing as how she looks at your children, I'm sure she's happy either way. Then again… Once we get back home, Li Hua will have heard her side of the story…"

Shizai gulped. If Xin was a raging fire, Li Hua was a blinding snowstorm. Both were powers to be feared.

Shivering at the thought, he turned towards Chen Tai, who also looked uneasy. That poor man had to deal with both of them for so many years of his life, didn't he? No wonder why he was far more calm and gentle than most commanding officers. His wife and his daughter probably beat the brutality out of him.

-------------

Li Hua calmly sat at the family table, sipping a cup of tea.

Before her, perhaps a bit more awkwardly, Xin was doing the same.

Finally, Xin slammed her cup on the table and pulled her seat forward.

"Mother…"

Li Hua glanced at Xin with a bit of surprise. "Are you angry? Why did you just…?"

"I wanted to get your attention."

Li Hua blinked. Her daughter's mysterious frankness was always their main difference.

"Anyway… I need some advice."

"Hmn?"

"How… How exactly did you deal with Father when he would come back stressed from work?"

Li Hua smiled slightly. "Are you sure that is all?"

Xin's eyebrow twitched. Even when faced by her mother, Xin wanted to keep her pride.

"I… I'm…"

"Go on." Li Hua stared calmly at her daughter, and smiled.

Xin blushed. "I'm worried. He… He seems so distressed lately, and I feel sick at the fact that I can't do anything for him… I'm not you, after all."

"Eh?" Now it was Li Hua's turn to blush. (8.)

"You know how to care for Father… I don't know how to care for Shizai."

Li Hua chuckled. "Whatever happened to my 'no nonsense,' feisty, independent daughter? I know you love Shizai but to sound like you want to fulfill his every need…"

"It's because I want him to be happy!" She shouted back. "I… I'm his wife, aren't I? He's been there for me, so I have to be there for him… But I'm incompetent like tha-…"

"No." Li Hua spoke sternly.

"Eh?"

"No, never say that you are incompetent, for that will only make you feel miserable and you won't be able to help Shizai that way. If you truly wish to help him, then you must be strong yourself. I see cracks in your bark, Xin. You are like an Oak tree and the current stress Shizai is having at work is like a fierce wind. Fierce winds can topple oaks, no matter how strong their trunks may be. If you don't gather your inner strength, you will topple just like an oak."

"But, wait…"

"Let me finish. I know that you are strong. You've proved it time and time again in the face of those who would let longstanding societal notions consume their minds. In the face of arrogant, cruel men you've held your ground, albeit in ways that are more like a gamble than tactical maneuvering, but in so doing many have seen that you are not one to be taken down."

"So if you think that I am strong already, then what do you mean by inner strength?"

Li Hua just laughed, but her merry face quickly turned to anger. "Swallow your pride and think for a moment, Xin!"

Xin gulped. A raging snowstorm can put out a fire quite easily, as she knew quite well.

"Er…"

"Look at yourself, asking for advice for something that you know very well how to do. You do know how to care for Shizai, but the problem is that you've kept yourself too rigid to soften towards him. Yes, you love each other, and he is no doubt aware of your devotion to him, but what you must do now is give him support. You must truly wish to support him with all your might. It may seem degrading, and if it were anyone else then it would be, but he is the man you love. If you are unwilling to do whatever it takes for him, why should you expect him to do the same for you?"

'What are you talking about? I'd die for…"

"I'm sure you would, but this isn't such an extreme situation… At least I pray that Heaven doesn't deem your death necessary to end his suffering. At any rate, you seem unwilling to change to help mend his emotional wounds."

"Mother?"

Li Hua sighed. "You're not letting yourself shoulder his pain as well, Xin. You might speak of wanting to care for him, but you aren't making any steps forward. Of course it would look like the situation is hopeless! If you make no moves to fix the problem, then it will just get worse."

"You're saying that I… I'm selfish?"

"If that helps motivate you to change, then sure, I am calling you selfish."

Xin looked surprised for a moment, but finally she began to settle down.

"Maybe… Maybe I am selfish…"

"Use that as a guideline, not as a reason to condemn yourself." Li Hua spoke softly.

Xin blinked.

Li Hua smiled. "After all, when I look at you two, I know that you're merely hitting yourself a little two hard. I'm sure the stress of work shows on his face quite visibly at times, but when I saw you two come in with your children, I knew that, at least overall, you and Shizai were living quite happily together. There may be pebbles on this golden road of yours, but in the end the flowers on its side are as beautiful as ever, are they not?"

"Well…" Xin blushed again. "I guess…"

"Now…" Li Hua's eyes narrowed. "Where exactly could our husbands be? Xuanbo doesn't stay outside for this long, and I'm sure Shizai doesn't either."

"He doesn't… This is strange… I wonder if Shi Zuan or Yang Xin have anything to do with it…"

"Those two? Aren't they mostly warriors instead of scholars?"

"Yes, but they are far more trustworthy than a lot of bastards these days."

Li Hua smiled. "I see. It is good to have a variety of characters as friends."

Chen Xin nodded. "Right… But we do need to figure out where those two went…"

--------------

Shizai had finally gotten drunk for once, and Xuanbo felt both proud and ashamed for his surrogate son.

As the two staggered towards the Chen house, the door flew open, and Xin was there with her arms crossed.

Xuanbo smiled at his daughter. "Xin…" He mumbled.

Xin turned her head towards Li Hua, who slowly stepped past her daughter and crossed her arms.

"Love…" Xuanbo muttered.

Li Hua's eyebrow twitched, but before she could say anything, her daughter quickly yelled out:

"Where the hell have you two been?!"

The sheer force of Xin's voice caused both men to topple on the ground, knocking them out cold.

As Xin growled and grabbed both of them by the hair, dragging them back into the house, Li Hua only shook her head.

"Boys will be boys…"

--------------

Holding her granddaughter in her arms, Li Hua sighed.

This was not the beginning of a new, happy era in their lives, not when Shu and Wu were mobilizing for war yet again. In a way, she could not blame them. The Cao clan had ruined their reputation among peoples all across China. Many people suffered under the Wei banner, and as rulers the Cao should have known that only leaders who love their people earn the right to rule over them. Cao Rui, for one, should have been far more responsive to the people's needs instead of being so lavish in his lifestyle.

She shook her head. Soon her daughter would feel that intense pain of watching her beloved march off into battle, not knowing whether he survived his latest campaign or not. Soon both of them would be huddle together, holding Xin's children (Li Hua's own grandchildren) and wondering whether those children's father and grandfather would make it back safely. Her greatest fears were about to return, and Xin would have to feel that pain just as violently as Li Hua had.

The question was: Li Hua had experienced this pain for some time, and so she could shoulder more of it in the future… Could Xin?

------------

Slowly, his hands reached for his blade and his armor…

And swiftly, she darted forward to grab them.

They had returned home after saying farewell from her parents, and Shizai and Xuanbo would meet again very soon: as the commanding officers of a unit that would march out to counter Shu's mobilization of forces at the northwest border. Chen Tai would be in charge of their base at Jin Cheng, while Shizai would be at the frontlines at Chen Cang. Naturally, Shi Zuan, Yang Xin, and Sima Wang were to be deployed with Shizai, and thus Xin had to watch her husband and her close friends leave together at once. To worry for all these men in her life was too much for her to swallow, so she held onto her husband tightly.

"Don't leave…"

"Xin… I have to. It's my duty as a warrior…"

"And so it's your duty to get yourself killed?"

"Well…"

"Shizai, Sima Zhao's men might have started looking for you, but you can evade them for a little longer, can't you?"

"You know as well as I do that it's impossible, Xin."

"Dammit… Why won't you resist, damn you?! Instead of hiding, why don't you try to force Sima Zhao to realize that war isn't the answer?!"

"Well, because Shu has already mobilized its forces. Would you let thousands of Wei citizens die just to keep me from moving out?…"

"Shizai… It's as though you want to get yourself killed…"

"No, that's not it… That's…"

"I… I don't want to hear it."

"Eh?"

"Get out, then. Go on. If you've decided that following the path of blood is your destiny, then move out. Our children are about to lose their father, for even if you remain alive you won't be there for them as they grow older. Zhong's just fifteen, and he needs a man to guide him in the right path. If you aren't going to be there, and if Zichu and the others are just leaving, then he's probably going to pick up some bad habits… But since he's following your path he'll probably be inspired to follow your every step. And Qiu, Qiu will have to walk on his own, I guess…"

"Xin…"

"Shut up. If this is what you plan to do, then don't come back until you've won. Don't return to me if you're just going to move out again. I said I'll wait for you this morning, and I intend to keep my word. Go, then, warrior, go and make your country proud. Once you've finally achieved victory, come straight here, or else I… I…" (9.)

"Xin…"

"JUST GO!" She turned from him, and at that moment Shizai shed a tear as he picked up his gear.

As he slowly walked away, Xin shuddered. Would he return, or would that have been the last moment she spent with him? Only time would tell.

-------------

1. Weiqi is the Chinese name for Go, and I decided to use it instead because the setting is Ancient China, after all.

2. Xiangqi is Chinese chess. If you have Windows, google Qianhong Xiangqi. If you don't, well, google Xiangqi itself. It's an awesome game.

3. Zhong is a homonym for the word that means center in Chinese (spelled exactly the same in pinyin). Heck, if you look up Deng Zhong on kongming dot net, the 'center' Zhong is the upper character in the two part word that makes up Deng Zhong's given name. Zhong Guo, as you may or may not know, means China, with Zhong being center and Guo being nation. Elitist? Maybe, but things weren't that different in Europe when the West had its more glorious moments. Blame human folly and not China for that name.

4. The 'first decision' refers to a Chinese tradition to set a baby on the ground and to place several items in front of him/her. Traditionally these items would include a pen (and paper), a ball, a paintbrush, a medicine bottle (obviously empty), and other items that would represent a person's future profession (maybe a spatula, a light bulb or computer mouse for today's world, a scale or maybe something similar to represent law, etc.) The infant then moves towards one of these items and picks them up, and that decision is used to likely predict what the child will be when he/she grows up. Just between you and me, reader, my mother told me that I had chosen the pen. Ha ha.

5. My memory's a bit sketchy, but I think there was a scene in Blazing a Trail where Xin emerges from a tent with some of her clothes loose or missing, and upon seeing her Shi Zuan tries to look away while Zichu blushes. I took that as Zichu being extremely embarrassed upon seeing a woman who's like his sister in that situation in front of him, not because he secretly was in love with her. I don't want to put that kind of drama between their friendship, because that, to me, would soil the series. Feel free to interpret it your way if you want, though, reader.

6. I would imagine that Xuanbo and Shizai would have a calendar or timepiece of some sort in their homes, as they are the sort of people who would really care about such things… And Xin would be the type who would eye it constantly when Shizai has to move out soon…

7. I know that in The Stuttering Stallion I mentioned that Xin mothered four children, but the forth has not yet been born in the context of this fic, at least not 'till it's conclusion...

8. Li Hua is slightly younger than her husband, which is sort of the reverse of Xin and Shizai (at least based on my outlook on the pair, Xin's a few days older, but that's not particularly important). Thus, because Shizai and Xin have reached their mid thirties, what with the fifteen year truce almost older and both having many kids already, Li Hua is roughly in her fifties. Yet, like Sanae from Clannad, I intend to have both parents not really show their age too much. Li Hua retains much of her elegance, though she lacks the beauty of youth.

9. I decided not to be perverted and thus keep this chapter youth friendly. I wanted to have this be a final intimate moment for them, but decided against it. This scene happens right after the scene in Chapter 16 of The Stuttering Stallion where Sima Zhao's adviser visits Xin to advise her to let Shizai go back to the battlefield. From here, you can read the main fic for the rest of the canon ending, or you can read the Side story when the main fic branches off into it for my own alternate ending. It's your choice.

Thanks, readers, and I apologize if the end seemed lackluster.

Stay tuned for updates for Wreckage of the Three Kingdoms, Snowy Eyebrows, and Romance of the Three Frats. A new Fic: Answering the Call, will be released eventually once I've finished off other fics.


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